


The one that got away

by pinkamour1588



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-21 17:27:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17047460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkamour1588/pseuds/pinkamour1588
Summary: Jim’s reminded the hard way that somethings just aren’t meant to be.





	The one that got away

“What’s a pretty cadet like you doing sitting alone at a bar?” Jim grinned cockily, leaning against the bar and taking a swig of his beer.

“Junior Lieutenant and not talking to blonde captains,” you answered.

“Oh, so you know I’m a captain?”

“Uniform, Kirk.”

He laughed. “I didn’t see you at the ceremony earlier.”

“I was there. I just got there too late to sit with everyone else.”

“Well, you could come sit with everyone else now. Unless you’re waiting on someone.”

“Not anymore. He was supposed to show up an hour ago,” you sighed as you got up, following him over to the table where drinking and talking.

~

**An hour later**

“You know, I wouldn’t stand you up,” Jim said scooting closer to you in the booth. Putting his hand on your bare knee where your black dress had ridden up.

“I don’t want to be another one of your one-night stands,” you answered flatly, looking down at your drink but not removing his hand from your leg.

“I said nothing about you being a one-night stand.”

“Last I checked, Jim Kirk doesn’t do relationships, therefore, one-night stand. Or short fling. I have no desire to be either.”

“Maybe I never found the right woman to have a long-term relationship with.”

“Jim…”

“Go on a date with me. Just one. If you hate it, I let it go. All I’m asking for is a chance.”

You looked up from your drink and at him, pressing your lips together thoughtfully, then sighed. “One date.”

“Friday. At seven. Does that work?”

“Sounds good.”

He grinned, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

***

Friday night, you took your time getting ready, assuming he was going to be late. This was Jim Kirk after all. He’s not exactly used to scheduled dates. But at five till seven, the buzzer on your door rang.

“You’re early,” you said almost like a question as you let him in.

“I can wait outside if you want if you’re not ready yet,” he answered.

“Oh, no, I just…I just wasn’t expecting you to, well…”

“Be on time?”

You nodded.

“I’m capable of punctuality when it’s important.”

“Well, thank you.”

~~~

Despite all your skepticism going into the date, it was actually quite nice. You expected a fancy restaurant and him going over the top trying to impress you. But he didn’t. He didn’t even take you to a restaurant. You stopped by the cafeteria and got food to go and then went down to one of the rocky beaches. You joked around, like you always did when you were around each other. The only difference was, you were alone. There were times you almost forgot it was a date.

“So, have I earned a second date?” he asked as the two of you walked back to the dorms.

You pretended to think hard about it, then answered, “I suppose.”

***

A second date turned into a third and then a fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh. Somewhere around the sixth date, though, you began to lose count.

“Can I ask you something?” you said one night when the two of you were laying on the couch together watching a movie.

“You just did, but go on,” he nodded.

“We’re dating, right? Like exclusively?”

“Yes, assuming you want to be.”

“Yeah, I do.” You turned your head and pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

***

**Three years later**

You stared at the unzipped body bag feeling somewhere between sick and heartbroken. You wanted to step closer and confirm your worst fear, but just couldn’t. _He can’t be. He just can’t. No. No. No._ You felt arms around your waist, pinning your arms to your side. It took a minute to figure out that the person wasn’t holding you back from moving forward towards Jim’s lifeless body. No, the person was holding you up so you wouldn’t end up curled in a ball on the floor.

“He…No…I…Jim…No…” you stammered.

“I’m sorry, lass,” Scotty whispered.

“No,” you whimpered.

Scotty didn’t say a word as you began sobbing. He just led you to one of the empty exam rooms and let you cry. You could barely make out Leonard yelling “Get me a cryo tube now” and how he thinks there was a chance to save Jim. And even what you did hear, your brain couldn’t process.

_Jim. Dead. No. No. No. Dead. Gone._

***

You spent the next six weeks sleep deprived. At first it was the result of trying to sleep alone in bed. You missed the way he would cling to you in his sleep. His breath against your neck. Then it was attempting to sleep on the couch in the hospital room. Leonard tried to convince you to go home and sleep, but you refused every time. He didn’t push too hard on the sleeping front. Showering and eating, you didn’t get a choice in. He almost physically dragged you out of the room and took you home so you would shower.

When you walked into Jim’s hospital room after those six torturous weeks, you almost broke down in tears. You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out.

“C’mere,” Jim said softly and you started tearing up as you walked over on unsteady legs, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. “Hey, don’t cry.” He reached up and wiped the tear running down your cheek.

“You died,” you whispered. “God, Jim.”

“But I’m not now.” He trailed his hand down your arm to your left hand taking it in his, rubbing his thumb over the diamond ring on your finger.

“And Leonard broke his oath to do that.” You let out a small sob gripping his hand.

“Lie down with me,” he said after a minute.

“Am I even allowed to?”

Jim glanced past you and you looked over his shoulder, following his gaze.

“You can. I just have to hook him up to a few monitors in place of the bio bed,” Leonard said as he walked the rest of the way into the room.

You waited patiently as Leonard did just that, taking the time to remove your shoes. Once Jim was thoroughly attached to monitors, Leonard nodded and you laid down next to Jim, resting your head on his shoulder. After you were settled, Leonard left you two be.

***

Work. Wedding planning. Jim’s physical therapy. Jim’s psychotherapy sessions. Nightmares of losing him again. Waking up to him thrashing from his own nightmares. Having to help him tie his shoes when he gave up after trying for several minutes. _It’ll get better._

“Babe, guess what,” Jim said excitedly as he walked into the kitchen nine months later.

“What?” you asked as he kissed your cheek.

“The Enterprise got assigned a five-year mission. We’re going back into space.”

“You’re…five years…what?”

He spun you around to face him, grinning. “We’re going back into space for a five-year mission.”

“Five years?”

“I know it’s a long time, but it’s going to be amazing. I know we haven’t decided if we want kids for sure and space isn’t really the ideal place to start a family, but if we do decide to have kids, it wouldn’t be the worst thing to have them in space or we could just wait until we get back to Earth. Aren’t you excited?”

“Jim, I’m not going.”

He froze. “What?”

“I pulled myself off the medical list months ago.”

“You’re not coming with me?”

“No. I’m staying here.”

He sighed, pulling you closer and pressed his face into your neck. “Ok. I’m gonna miss my wife though.”

“Two months.” You pulled away giving him a quick kiss before going back to cooking dinner.

***

You didn’t sleep well the next two weeks. Five years. Five years away from your husband. Five years dependent on calls and messages. Five years of sleeping alone despite the ring on your finger. Five years.

***

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Jim asked a month after telling you about the five-year mission.

“I mean just that. I’m leaving,” you answered not daring to look at him as you packed your suitcase.

“You can’t just leave.” His voice cracked. “What about the wedding?”

You swallowed the lump in your throat and glanced at the diamond ring on the nightstand. “I can’t do this, Jim. I’m sorry.”

“You promised. You promised you’d stay.”

“This isn’t easy for me either.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Because it’s for the best. It’s better I leave now than go through with the wedding.”

“Why?” he whispered.

“Why what?”

“Why are you leaving?”

You looked down at the contents of your suitcase and pressed your lips together. “I can’t stay up wondering if my husband is off doing something that could very well get him killed. Jim, I love you. God, I love you so much it hurts. But I can’t spend the rest of my life wondering if you’re safe. And I can’t marry someone and then not see them for five years except calls or traveling to a star base in hopes of seeing him for a little bit between meetings.”

“Then come with me. I can get you a spot in medical. Bones can always use more nurses.”

You turned around and stepped closer to him, resting one hand on the back of his neck, the other on his bicep. “My life is here. I tried my time in space. It wasn’t for me. But space is where you belong. Jim, you were born to be a captain on a ship. I wasn’t born to be a nurse on one.”

He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you tightly against him, and leaned his head down, resting his forehead against yours. “I don’t want you to go,” he breathed.

“I don’t want to go. But it’s for the best. You’ll find someone who’s made to be in space with you. Someone who loves you and being among the stars as much as you do. That person isn’t me.”

He pressed his lips against yours desperately. “I love you,” he mumbled against your lips.

“I love you too. I’m sorry.” You pulled back and finished packing up your things. You could come back after he left for the mission and get the last of your things.

As you went to walk out the door, he grabbed your hand, making you turn around. Before you could say a word, his lips were on yours again. This time–the last time–you could taste tears. Whose tears they were, you didn’t know.

“Goodbye, Jim,” you whispered when you pulled back reluctantly before walking out the door.

~~~

That night, the two of you seemed to have had similar ideas of how to cope. Alcohol. He was well on his way to drunk when the front door opened. He looked over with the tiniest spark of hope you had returned. Instead it was Leonard carrying a bottle of whiskey. Jim sighed and his shoulders slumped.

“If you’re going to drink yourself half to death, you should you at least be drinking the good stuff,” Leonard said as he went to the kitchenette and got two glasses, pouring them each some of the whiskey. “How much have you had so far?”

Jim picked up the bottle he was already drinking from. “A fourth.”

“So, what do you want?” Leonard asked as he sat next to Jim, handing the blonde one of the glasses.

“What do you mean? I want (Y/N) back.”

“I mean, do you want me to hate her? Condemn her? Or no?”

“No. She was great. Just…“ Jim sighed.

“You thought she was ‘the one’. Not sure why you believe in the one, but you do you.”

“I believe in the one who will stay. Clearly, I need to give up on that fantasy.”

“Jim, for as pessimistic as I am, I’m sure there is someone out there who is that one. You just haven’t met them yet.”

* * *

 

 


End file.
